Perfectly Said

It’s 2019.

I have found myself in a situation I never imagined in my wildest dreams.

I have a nephew.

This nephew now lives with us.

Raising children is no small task. Raising someone else’s kid…well, that’s a trick. We, let’s be honest it’s Adam too, have found that on some levels it is easier to raise someone else’s child, in the same breath, it is also harder. Especially when they come to you at 16. You don’t know how they are wired, what trips them up and off, how they learn, what they love or hate. They also don’t know your family dynamics, how you parent, how to deal and live with siblings and what the family rules and expectations are (written and unwritten).

Big D has been here for nine months. He is a lovely kid. As with all kids, he has his “things”. For the first time since he got here, we got “into it”. I showed disappointment and frustration over some of his choices. It was much more of a motherly reaction then a calm, mild, auntie reaction. Let’s just say, my response had a higher degree of upset associated with it.

The tension still lingered in the air as he opened the door to get out of the car and head into his appointment. I looked at him, gave him a hug and said, “Hey, I love you.” He looked at me and said, ” I love you too…sometimes.”

As he hopped out of the car, I rolled the window down and yelled, “DITTO!”

WHAT THE WHAT?

I randomly stumbled across my old blog posts a few days ago. It instantly threw me back into the time of my life where things seemed simpler and very difficult, all at the same time.

So much time has past that I can now send old blog posts to PJ.  She can read them and get a glimpse of her own crazy, fierce self. And, by the way, not much has changed for her in that regard. She sat at the kitchen table laughing so hard tears were streaming down her checks.  It made me joyful to be able to share that with her. I’m so glad I spent the time to jot those things down.

Now, I find myself in a much different set up than in those days gone by. I am working full time, CT has flown the coupe and is off at college and we have three in high school.

Somewhere between my last post in 2013 and today, life has changed dramatically. Like anyone’s would in that handful of years. There has been so much growth, happiness, our share of sadness and even some betrayal.

Life is rich.

I think it’s time to start jotting things back down.

Perseverance…with a capital P

I made a major mistake with this child back when she was 5. She wanted a dog.

Bad.

I mean really bad.

I told her when she was 10 we would get a dog because let’s be honest…I was going to be the one to tend to it. She campaigned for a dog for an entire year.

Around a year into it, into the constant questions about dogs, books about dogs, discussions about dogs, I broke. When she was 6, we got a dog.

Lesson she learned, I work at them hard enough and long enough I will get what I want.

PJ=Perseverance

Perseverance = noun
in a competitive environment, perseverance is an invaluable asset: persistence, tenacity, determination, staying power, indefatigability, steadfastness, purposefulness; patience, endurance, application, diligence, dedication, commitment, doggedness, assiduity, tirelessness, stamina; intransigence, obstinacy; informal stick-to-it-iveness; formal pertinacity.

This form of stick-to-it-iveness she has surrounds her, embodies her and ALWAYS has.

From the days when she could hardly talk she would make her needs/wants/desires known and then throw herself at them until whatever “it” was, was met.

Now at 11, it’s no longer a dog, it’s a phone.

It doesn’t matter how many discussions about phones and the fact she is not getting one until she needs one and that will be determined by her parents, not by her, we have. She will not give up. Again, we are at the year point, maybe more of this endeavor.

Yesterday when discussing her reasons for wanting to go shopping on Black Friday she finally told me she wanted to buy herself a phone. I launched back into the same conversation we had had 1000 times, then I got mad (as I usually do around this topic).

And then I tried to find the positive in this and I looked at her and said, “PJ, I really appreciate your determination.” Then I proceeded to tell her the story of what I always said to her when she was 2.

I would look at you, get right down to eye level and say, “Someday PJ THIS is going to serve you well, just not today!”

PJ’s response to that little tale, “Well, apparently it won’t serve me TODAY either!”

Happy 13!

Dear CT,

On April 4th, 2000 at 1:50 am my world changed forever. YOU showed up.

How could that possibly have been 13 years ago?

Where once you were so tiny you fit between my chin and my lap and now you almost hover over me.

How fun it is to watch you grow and struggle and succeed and make your way through a world that is so different, yet so the same, as the one I grew up in.

You are a joyous, kind, athletically nimble kid who loves to do just about anything, although at your true core you can find a bit of lazy mixed in just for the fun of it.

How lucky I am to be able to walk this journey with you.

Thank you for making being a mom so wonderful and frightening and everything in-between.

I love you kid…welcome to being a teenager.

Happy 13th Birthday!

Love,

Mom

So big but so small

I have never been a big co-sleeper with my kids. In fact, I might be the anti-co-sleeper.

The thought of them invading my space and disrupting what little sleep I was getting, when they were little, just made my head spin. Then, the thought of undoing the habit of co-sleeping seemed even worse, let alone thinking of a 12 year old boy in my bed seemed just like nothing I wanted to be part of.

All that said, there are moments…

Moments like last night, when KP came upstairs to tell me he can’t sleep and he thinks there are ants in his bed. I pull myself up half asleep and walk to his room, no ants.

I tuck him in, kiss him again and bid him a good night.

At 2:15 he reemerges and says, I can’t sleep, can I sleep with you?

In my fog I welcome him in with both arms, full well knowing the ants got to his psyche and that my baby doesn’t often ask for such things. Through the remaining slumber I kept waking and knowing, this was precious time. These requests come so few and far between at this age and I know he will go back to his bed tomorrow.

But tonight, come here little boy, let mom wipe away the ants and hold you and keep you safe.

Seriously?

There are times I do things that make me laugh so hard I can hardly stand it. Yeah, I find myself funny. THIS, happens to be one of them.

I was cleaning out PJ’s closet, which contained a tornado off a mess of her own things, along with all the old photos and kid’s keepsake boxes.

Kid #1, totally organized. Kid #2, half-assed collection of stuff.  Kid#3, pretty much noth’n.

Kid #3 hardly has any printed pictures.  He hardly has any stuff. He is distraught by not having a baby book and continually asks me to make him one for his 8th birthday.

But guess what, Kid #3 has something very special that I saved for him that no one else has. He is the only one I saved the positive EPT test for.

And after almost 8 years, it still shows the lines. Who wouldn’t want to find that in their box of memorabilia?

Dagger in the heart

My youngest child just lost his front tooth.

This is the first tug of “OMG there are no more children after him” I have ever felt.

That doesn’t mean I want anymore after him, I’m just surprised I’m feeling anything about his missing tooth at all.

Life Lessons

Really it was only a matter of time until a teacher or counselor or bus driver talked to me about something KP did at school.  Oh don’t get me wrong, he’s a wonderful child, but he does have a lot of exuberance AND doesn’t always think before he does.

So when he was dropped off from school on Tuesday the bus driver yelled out, “MISS MARY, MISS MARY”, all the while curling his big thick finger up and down showing me I was wanted on the bus for a little talkie.

He proceeded to say, “KP has something to tell you and then you can call me tonight.”

SWEET!  Being a parent is awesome!  What the hell?  What on earth did you do?

Once we got inside he told me the whole story, he didn’t even try to hide it.   Then around 9:00 pm I got to call the bus driver at home (that’s weird…am I right on that one?) and get his side of the story.

Then KP got to write him a little note of apology.

It says:

Dear Mr. Chuck,

I am sorry for poking holes in your bus seat with my pencil.

KP

Then he had to hand it to him the next morning, THAT was the hardest part of the whole deal.

Looking sick, isn’t he?

He woke up with a temperature of 100.2 and a cough. 100 degrees is the point where the school suggests to keep them home due to spread of germs.

He was so excited to stay home.

As the bus pulled up yesterday morning he was yelling at the top of his lungs, “I’MMMMM SICK! I’M SICK, I’M STAYING HOOOOOOMMMMME!!!!!!!!!”

Yup, the rule girl in me just had to keep him home.

Do you follow the school guide line rules?

What timing

The one day I don’t have my camera with me, KP decides to become a big boy.

We were at the pool yesterday.  He has never gone down the body slide or the tub slide by himself.  And yesterday, not only did he feel it was time to do this by himself but he also decided to add the drop slide and the diving board to his repertoire of bigness.

He was absolutely sure he could do it.  Swim all the way to the edge.

I was not so sure.

So what does a mother do?  Let them try.  Even though it might make me feel like I’m drownding just waiting and watching at the edge of the pool.  Let them try.

I can always jump in and grab him from a watery tomb right?

So off he goes, on his own, all on his own.

I sat in the reclining chair watching as he circled back to jump and slide again and again and again.  All I could think of was how funny the timing was.  The diving board today and off to all day Kindergarten next Tuesday.

As the sun warmed my body, that was simply resting on the chair (not grabbing limbs, not helping to swim, not playing with) I knew I had gotten to the next chapter.

OMG…what happens in the next chapter?