Thanks for telling me I’m being a bitch!
I’m a pretty happy go lucky, bright side of life, kinda gal. As of late, I have found myself dropping out of that space and dipping into a level of discontent.
I’ve felt it deep inside. I thought I kept it hidden and managed pretty well to the outer world. You know, the deep breathing and the meditation apps trying to quell the beast.
It’s not that I’m not happy with my life, I am, it’s just added stress and strain of job, life, kids…you know, all the shit. And it seems to have piled on a bit as of late.
Last week at work, I made a comment that veered dark, snarky and the farthest thing from positive. My co-worker immediately responded with a chuckle and a, “Whoaaa Mary…what’s up, that is not your typical kinda response.” I looked at him with hard eyes and he started to back peddle, saying, “I mean, you don’t have to be happy all the time, I’ve just noticed a change.”
With those words I knew I needed to right the ship. I don’t have to be happy all the time but I am happier when I look up more than down. I’m going to thank that guy, he didn’t have to say what he said and he has no idea it changed my course. But I am so glad he did. He opened my eyes to what was falling out of my mouth trying to make myself feel somehow better. Ugly words seep into all those around you, they don’t need that and neither do I.
Happiness can be a choice. I’m choosing that.
Filed under current events, mom | Comment (0)Happy 13!
Dear CT,
On April 4th, 2000 at 1:50 am my world changed forever. YOU showed up.
How could that possibly have been 13 years ago?
Where once you were so tiny you fit between my chin and my lap and now you almost hover over me.
How fun it is to watch you grow and struggle and succeed and make your way through a world that is so different, yet so the same, as the one I grew up in.
You are a joyous, kind, athletically nimble kid who loves to do just about anything, although at your true core you can find a bit of lazy mixed in just for the fun of it.
How lucky I am to be able to walk this journey with you.
Thank you for making being a mom so wonderful and frightening and everything in-between.
I love you kid…welcome to being a teenager.
Happy 13th Birthday!
Love,
Mom
Filed under CT, mom, parenting | Comment (1)Summer 2011: Day 2
Happy 73rd Birthday Mom!
Filed under CT, KP, mom, PJ, Summer 2011 Photo Journal | Comment (0)How Lucky How Thankful
Betty, my awesome mother-in-law, started this great tradition this year at Thanksgiving. She left out a pad of paper, a pen and a basket. Each of us was to write down what we were thankful for and then we would read them at the dinner table.
At the end of dinner, all the kids crowded around Papa to read the notes. They were read one by one. The kids tried to guess who wrote what. Some of us fessed up, some did not.
It was CT who wrote this:
As it was read, he looked up into my mom’s eyes and gave her the sweetest smile and head nod. It was as if to say, don’t worry Grandma, we won’t forget him.
Filed under CT, current events, Dad, Family, mom | Comment (1)
First times
For my mom, this year has had its bumps, but she is moving through it the best way she can. And I must say, she is doing a great job. Changing what you have known for 40 some years is hard, even for the best change agent in the world.
If you have been around me at all in the past months, you have heard me utter, “2010 is STILL going to be a good year”. And I do honestly believe that.
I said this exact thing to my mom last night, while we sat in the ER waiting for the second of two CT scans to be done and her lip to be stitched up. When I said it, she gave a a very grim…”When?”
She fell while on a walk, during a stunning spring day, with her friend. Simply caught her toe on some winter-heaved-pavement and down she went, on her face. Lots of stitches, lots of swelling, lots of bruising. She said I could post the photo, but…I’m restraining myself. She thinks it looks worse than it feels. Yup, it’s hard to look at.
This year has a lot of firsts for her. Her first time to the ER. Her first stitches. Her first decisions by herself without a partner in crime.
She is finding her way. She is amazing.
How lucky I am to be the one to hold her hand as she got her first set of stitches.
Filed under Family, mom | Comments (2)