Birthday season is upon us

It’s amazing, most of our family members have a birthday in the spring or summer. It’s like Christmas all over again. We start off with CT in early April and end with my brother in August. BAAM BAAM BAAM and you turn around twice and then you have those outliers in the fall but really much of the celebratory birthday partying goes on starting now.

Yesterday, April 21, was my dad’s birthday. All day long I thought of him. The things he enjoyed, the times we spent together, the fact that I didn’t seem sad. It was odd. I wondered why. Does time really heal a gaping wound like that? Am I far enough away to not feel that aching loss anymore?

I drove around by his tree at Lake Calhoun. We toasted him at dinner. I wanted to buy a birthday cake, Adam assured me that was a little too much and then the day ended.

I posted this photo yesterday on FB with “Happy Birthday Dad” as the title. It wasn’t until today when Roxie texted me that she saw the post and it made her cry.

Then it came.

The tears.

The broken heartedness you feel at the loss of a parent.

The sadness for all that is missing because he is gone.

The text that simply tipped me into tears.

Time…it helps the severity of the ache but it certainly doesn’t take away the pain of the loss.

As Roxi said to me, it’s “the big days you end up bracing yourself for and it’s those moments when your guard is down when it gets you.” And it’s so true.

Dad I miss you, not just on your birthday but on everyday.

Boston

I couldn’t look away from the coverage of the Boston explosions.

I couldn’t help but continually reliving the moment in time I ran down that exact street looking for that finish line, anticipating being done, looking forward to celebrating with my family and friends all the while being carried in by the energy of the throngs of cheering spectators.

What happened is senseless.

It could have been me.

That eight year old that died, could have been KP.

The shear carnage.The amazing bravery. The two seem to go hand in hand in times like these.

Random violence can happen at anytime to anyone.

If you let it eat away at you, they get what they want.

So you carry on and continue to believe that goodness will beat back evil.

Boston my heart bleeds for you, for the runners, for their families and for the sad sick individual who thought making those bombs was somehow a good idea.

The Mary Sellke Year of Fun 2013…

Yeah, what the hell does that mean?

For the past three years I have taken to spending much of my extra time (and money) training for Ironman and or marathons (those however seem to be more of a bi-product of Ironman training than actual ability to be a solid marathoner). Those years took a tremendous amount of dedication, time, focus and energy.  At certain points in training, it took me away from my family, eight hours on a bike in Wisconsin can do that. It also took a great deal of support from my family, to which I am so grateful, I could not have done it without them.

All that said, I would not change anything about those three years, with the exception of I wish I had been fast enough to make it to the World Championships in Kona but you can’t have everything, right? Or maybe let’s just say, that fight might not be over yet.  But, it is for this year.

This year is all about encompassing adventures I like, have wanted to do in the past, training that doesn’t take up too much time and most importantly these events must be done with my friends. Events and races are great but sharing them with friends is so much more satisfying.

Yesterday started off  the year of fun with the Fred Kurz 10 mile run.

It is a small little race out in Wayzata that fit perfectly into training for a half marathon in a few weeks. The only problem, our spring has left us with snow. The Luce Line ended up being a single track snow compacted trail run. It was hard, kinda horrible and absolutely great to be out there with Becca and Di.

The hardest thing about this year, I have no idea how to put it all together into a solid training plan. It’s diverse to say the least. Here’s the schedule so far:

Year of Fun:

Minnetonka 1/2 Marathon

Lake Minnetonka Sprint Tri

Tough Mudder

Ragnar

If you wanna join in a piece of that, I would love to have you. If you have an additional race you wanna do, let me know, I might be game.

Day #5 ~ 30 Day’s of Biking

Suck it up Buttercup!

Yes it’s snowing in April, mama doesn’t care…get on your damn bike and ride.

It’s called commitment.

Day #4 ~ 30 Days of Biking

“This is the ONLY time you should ever be sitting on a railroad track! Got it?”

Said me with my camera.

Happy 13!

Dear CT,

On April 4th, 2000 at 1:50 am my world changed forever. YOU showed up.

How could that possibly have been 13 years ago?

Where once you were so tiny you fit between my chin and my lap and now you almost hover over me.

How fun it is to watch you grow and struggle and succeed and make your way through a world that is so different, yet so the same, as the one I grew up in.

You are a joyous, kind, athletically nimble kid who loves to do just about anything, although at your true core you can find a bit of lazy mixed in just for the fun of it.

How lucky I am to be able to walk this journey with you.

Thank you for making being a mom so wonderful and frightening and everything in-between.

I love you kid…welcome to being a teenager.

Happy 13th Birthday!

Love,

Mom

Day #3 ~30 Days of Biking

Day #3 brought us to my very favorite place on the Cedar Lake Trail!

Day#2 ~ 30 Days of Biking

So big but so small

I have never been a big co-sleeper with my kids. In fact, I might be the anti-co-sleeper.

The thought of them invading my space and disrupting what little sleep I was getting, when they were little, just made my head spin. Then, the thought of undoing the habit of co-sleeping seemed even worse, let alone thinking of a 12 year old boy in my bed seemed just like nothing I wanted to be part of.

All that said, there are moments…

Moments like last night, when KP came upstairs to tell me he can’t sleep and he thinks there are ants in his bed. I pull myself up half asleep and walk to his room, no ants.

I tuck him in, kiss him again and bid him a good night.

At 2:15 he reemerges and says, I can’t sleep, can I sleep with you?

In my fog I welcome him in with both arms, full well knowing the ants got to his psyche and that my baby doesn’t often ask for such things. Through the remaining slumber I kept waking and knowing, this was precious time. These requests come so few and far between at this age and I know he will go back to his bed tomorrow.

But tonight, come here little boy, let mom wipe away the ants and hold you and keep you safe.

30 Days of Biking with my little but mighty

PJ and I decided we would take up the 30 Days of Biking pledge. What does that mean you ask for those to lazy to hit the link. It means we will get on our bikes (together mind you) for 30 solid days. Everyday in April we will hop on. We don’t have to go far, we just have to do it.

Day #1

Today we learned that tomorrow we will dress warmer!