While we’re down there

I have an underwear crisis so to speak. What is that you ask? Well you see, my underwear is in such a state of disrepair that when one said person, like myself perhaps, is getting dressed in the ladies locker room at the gym, I would rather crumple my undies up into a little ball and throw them away then don them.

I tried to buy some last week. Once we were in the store, three kids in tow, two melt downs and several trips to the potty later, I just left…empty handed.

I even tried buying some the week before. I went to the store, they weren’t on sale (oh how my cheapness really fucks things up sometimes) and so I thought I would be back in the store next week (which I was) and that it would be no problem. Wrong.

About two weeks prior to all these unsuccessful trips to the store, I realized how bad they actually were. And now, a month later, they are almost not worth wearing.

So today, when the sitter comes, off I will go to buy new undies. What will I buy you ask? Or maybe not…but I will tell you anyway because it is where I am in my underwear lifecycle. I am at the Jockey, white, bikini stage.

Since putting some thought into this, I realized my life can be broken down by what underwear I have worn.

Here is the timeline:

Little kid: Hanes girl’s underwear, cotton, pink or blue flowers

High School: Jockey, white (maybe stripes sometimes), g-string bikini

College: Hung onto the Jockeys for workouts, then slipped into Victoria Secrete satin or silk bikini (always with flowers or prints) but they never really fit right. Wait, there was also a small segment of my college years where I wore no underwear at all and NO that is not the time in my life when I met Erik.

Early 20’s: Calvin Klein thong, black or white, cotton

Late 20’s: OnGossamer thong (the most expensive/smallest piece of fabric I have ever purchased in my life) any color will due, you can hardly see it anyway

Early 30’s to present day: I still have a few remnants of thongs laying around, which I love to wear depending on the outfit and ONLY if I don’t have hemorrhoids (oh, there is nothing worse than hemorrhoids and thongs!) and on a day-to-day basis I have almost come full circle back to my good old high school days with white Jockeys.

Maybe I’ll even branch out and get poke-a-dots this time.

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